Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
