I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
