idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
