He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
