and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
