Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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