im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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