so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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