I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i have two assholes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
