note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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