her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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