I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
