I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
