Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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