Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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