I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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