he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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