if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
