can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
