I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
