Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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