She said her name was "party"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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