I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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