So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
