ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
