apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
