my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
