I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
