the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
