I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
