Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
