I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
