Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
