Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
