Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
