hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
