Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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