he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
