There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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