bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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