You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
