Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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