Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Someone shit on the floor
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
