Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
