It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
