Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
