We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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