Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
