This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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