Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
