my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
