I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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