Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
