i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
