I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
