How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
