She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
