I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
