Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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