He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
