Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
